954 vs 964 pt 1

 Debating between 954 and 964. Just going to compare the two here.

Sources:

https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/33480491

954

If you are 459 is described as being intuitive, knowledgeable, an accepting. You want to be original, wise and peaceful. Highly self aware and reflective, you are very shy, reserved and self conscious. You need regular quiet time to reflect on your thoughts and emotions. Easily flooded with emotion, it is difficult for you to voice your feelings and ideas to others.

Yeah, well, I am intuitive I guess? (I'm an INTP, duh). 

Okay, jokes aside, being intuitive means having the ability to just know things without any evidence (and isn't JUST about whether you're a deep thinker or not brats sensors think too), and yeah I'd say I'm pretty much like that. ("Why is that the answer to this question, Beom?" "Uhhhh idk it's just common sense?"). Knowledgeable is something I doubt nowadays because there are always new things to learn, and well I just feel small compared to everything unknown that I have yet to explore lol. Accepting yeah is pretty me.

Want to be original? I do like being unique, but not in the way that I stand out (because, well, I'm a 9). Wise, yeah, I do like to study something until I'm considered an expert on it. (For example, I got really obsessed with a fandom before. I tried to learn every single fact, memorize who wrote what song, could recall their birthdays, heights, and weights. When I felt like I reached my peak, I just stopped.) And yeah, I like being at ease. 

Yeah quiet time is a must (I actually get pretty anxious in crowded or noisy places. It's like this sudden urge to just collapse or run away?). And yeah I do get kind of hurt easily I guess, though it takes time for me to process it, and yeah I rarely open up although I really want to.

The 459 is the most reclusive type on the Enneagram. They are humble, modest and discreet. They can be ethereal and dreamy They are passive and unassertive. They are shy but usually display a pleasant countenance. They have complex inner worlds. the objective with the subjective. They are gentle, sensitive and avoidant. Since they are so reserved, they express their anger in a passive-aggressive manner.

Not gonna lie, the reclusive part gets to me. Am I really the most introverted tritype on the spectrum? I do want attention on me sometimes (although I never try to chase it, because it's somewhat useless to me? And I don't like embarrassing myself aha). I tend to joke a lot irl because I'm kind of a gifted child. ("Yeah, I know this. Why don't you haha" although that isn't how I feel on the inside at all. I feel like I say a lot of empty words tbh). Ethereal and dreamy. Hm. I don't think I am? My mom literally calls me grounded. Passive and unassertive sounds about right. Complex inner worlds sound eh, but maybe it's because I grip a lot nowadays, so I'm not in touch with myself as much. 

Gentle...? (Flashbacks to my clumsy self just wrecking anything in existence oof Se-blindspot). Sensitive is uh I guess? But I'm not very sensitive in the sense that I don't feel emotions that easily, but I do feel like I get offended pretty easily (I just don't act on it). And I'm pretty much one of the most avoidant people out there. Passive-aggressive is pretty much me.

 A 459 would be pretty comfortable with separateness and solitude. [459]: Differences with 469 comes from the differences between 5 and 6 minds. 5 is like a withdrawn mind working alone to handle situations, life, and understanding, while 6 is more oriented to connections with collectivity and other people with thoughts. It's a receptive/expressive mind, using people as support for understanding and guidance. While 5 is more working alone, with its own maps and ideas.

Oh crap a paragraph for me.

Okay really, this is where I hesitate.

It's really a conflict in me. I feel sad. I want to reach out to someone, because I know it's for the better of me, but I don't actually have anyone to reach out to, except this one friend of mine, who I often don't want to rant to because I feel like I don't get anything out of it? But I often still rant to her because I break easily lol. Which is why I don't know - am I more oriented to people when I'm upset or am I more likely to isolate myself and not tell anyone?

But then again, I've got plenty of online friends who are willing to listen to me, but I still hesitate plenty to reach out. It isn't really because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me after, it's just that... I know once I rant, I'll be confronted about how I feel, and that's where I hesitate, because honestly I don't know. (I feel like I'm more Fi-blind than Se-blind tbh). Also I'm pretty aware my problems aren't important, or as important as the problems of others anyways, but I guess I don't like other people thinking that? Seems pretty hypocritical of me tbh HAHA but enough about me being sad and all that haha.

Your life mission is to delve deeply into the mysteries of life and share your insight with others. A true philosopher, you are happiest when you can write about your discoveries and discuss them with others. Making sense of your world is a never ending quest.

You can be so focused on your inner world that you can become inhibited and appear to be indifferent to others. Insecure, you become moody and expect others to initiate and come toward you.

Reading this originally, I felt that it didn't apply to me, but now that I read it again... I think that's pretty me?

I mean, I got into typology. Learning it for personal gain should be enough, but no. I want to explore more. So I got into typing characters and people. I write these random long analysis-es (okay what is the plural of analysis) in hopes that people will read them , and I share what I write. Maybe have some discussions. I think that first paragraph describes my approach to typology perfectly.

As for the second, I do do that, but doing so makes me feel... guilty. So often I try to force myself out? Okay, maybe not often, like when I'm with my family I'm a lot more open and grumpy I guess. When I'm with friends and acquaintances I'm a lot more cheerful and closed-off (ironic, huh?). But yeah, I definitely don't look bothered on the surface and expect people to approach me and ask me what's wrong haha.

Okay, crap, I wanted to write about 964 but I'm hella sleepy so that's it for the day I guess. I'll continue with 964 tomorrow.